One of the things that has helped me deal with Bipolar is remembering I am mentally and physically strong. I grew up acting, running track, cheerleading, practicing gymnastics, dancing, joining a gym in eighth grade, walking and practicing yoga since 2005.

The muscle memory from years of physical activity is what we rely on when we age.

This morning, I woke up with my mind not centered. It feels like I need meditation.
September 9 is fall. I drank my coffee and dressed my daughter for her first day of creative dance at her ballet studio. Nothing to eat was appetizing.

Her class is an hour long. I brought a book with me. I have on a cap, sunglasses and wedges. Because I’m Bipolar, I like to observe everyone around me. I’m a keen observer of nature and pay attention to things to store more information in my mind and body. When I exhale hookah I let it go.

The book is called “Omg That’s Me!” I’m reading the chapter on repetitive thoughts and how that’s a misfunction of the Bipolar mind. As a Muslim, repetition has always been my friend. Now, it means something is wrong with me. In the chapter titled “Obsessive thoughts and Behavior,” The Author Dave Mowry, says Bipolar people struggle with an obsessive thought that gets stuck in their mind. They keep replaying this thought over and over. I find that ironic since that’s how I memorize and I had a popular blog titled 7 obsessions. Also all about Islam. I have noticed the repetitive thought started in 2020. I didn’t have repetitive conversations or thoughts for more than a decade before that. The isolated time I did was when I was working in DC in 2008. I would sometimes get repetitive thoughts in 1990 or 1991 long before I was diagnosed.

For reference, my manic episode was in 2018. Not related to the recent repetitive thought at all in my expert opinion. My life did a 180 after I gave birth that year.

It’s 7 minutes until the end of Maya’s class. I have anxiety which is a constant background symptom. It’s why I drink coffee, smoke, shake and work out. Lots of musical instruments coming from her dance class. Her teacher is black. I would like to continue writing my book but I don’t know how long I should sit still for. My mind might get stuck or writers block and I will get sidetracked.

Financial problems and people yelling for no reason are causing me stress and making my heart beat faster.

I most definitely will have a drink or two. It’s been about three weeks since I’ve touched alcohol. I don’t have a drinking problem. It’s not in my genetics. And it’s not a coping symptom of Bipolar it’s your happy hour, religion, and entire culture. Coincidently, neither is suicide. I am Bipolar and have never suffered from suicidal thoughts. You can stop encouraging it with the word Bipolar 🙂 I would never do that Christian. And your texts are Big Pharma’s Satanic machine.

🙂